My goodness how life has changed. My husband was ordained a permanent Deacon back in 2014. We changed parishes. My mom moved back home. My grandfather, my rock and my brother, my friend have both passed into their eternal rest. So many things have changed and shifted. I find myself lamenting... Covid-19 has hit and been like other viruses but the response to it has been so detrimental to so many people including those who have also does or suffered the loss of loved ones. Life ebbs and flows as always and yet something is lacking... something new has yet to reveal itself. If it weren't for those nearest and dearest to my heart I can't say that I wouldn't have given myself over to the desolation that is permeating society. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and yet what can I personally be responsible for...those under my care (husband and children specifically). There is more though...my extended family, my mom/stepdad, half/step-siblings, nieces/nephews, biodad/adoptivedad all aunts/uncles and the one grandma left living...I feel the separate-ness...the loss of relationship with each of them. What could have been; what's missing...only God can make straight the crooked paths that link is all together, but my heart feels it all and it's difficult the put into words.
Outside of this my bipolar, Hashimotos diagnosis, my anxiety that never showed itself until mask mandates went into effect, my own personal hell of secondary infertility and what that means for my family. My own sins and struggles... I'm definitely not anywhere near perfect.
Something new is coming, something we haven't seen before...are we awake? Are we waiting and watching? Are we present?
