A Laugh I Received from a Friend

SHATTERED

This summer has left me bone-weary and shattered, at least that's how I feel. It started with a poor choice in June and since then just doesn't want to let up. Here's the rundown:


JULY - Brother goes into hospital, they find a mass and he undergoes surgery to remove it. Same brother's house is foreclosed on with 3 days to get out. I help to coordinate the move (he's in the hospital recovering). Same brother is diagnosed with Stage 3 brain cancer. Step-dad goes into the hospital with his heart in A-Fibrillation, a week's stay. Help mom to clean the house for step-dad's return. Help same brother move into a new house.

AUGUST - Husband's phone breaks, luckily we carry insurance and so the phone company sends him a new one. The dryer goes out, my brother helps me purchase and install a new one. A leak in our house leaves me with out access to my kitchen for three weeks. Spend half of the month trying to get the work done to fix all that was damaged because of the leak. A slight reprieve when we head to Cornville for a weekend retreat.

SEPTEMBER - I finally get my kitchen back but am now dealing with the insurance to pay the water mitigation people and to have the rest of the work completed. (Their approved contractor kind of sucks.) Husband has an appendicitis and within a few hours of the diagnoses goes into the hospital for an appendectomy and an overnight stay, plus a week off of work. (At least his brother was in town to look after the kids while I stayed with said husband.) An unsolicited phone call I receive ushers in more chaos...ugh, and I thought I had finally gotten out of the 'doghouse'...and the month isn't over yet.


I think if the rest of the year continues in this belligerent way I am going to swear off 2012 forever...hmm, funny....I think NOT! Tired and shattered....

A Past Can Be A Problem

We all have them.

A past, a history, all those events in life that helped to form us into the person we currently are. And the more we age the longer our past is. I had hoped that certain parts of my own past would travel with me in life. The memories certainly do and can. I have a few childhood friends who remain in touch if only by getting together to celebrate a child's birthday once a year. Its a time for us to catch up and be awestruck with how quickly all of our little ones are growing.

I wonder about others sometimes....where has life taken them, what are they currently doing etc. I tried for a short time to bring some of those past friendships into my present. But it didn't go so well. I forgot to keep my boundaries intact completely and acted like a "dumb teenager" again. Luckily I had people around me to bring me back to the present me before things got too out of hand. I still hurt someone I love in the process but have been and continue to try to correct the error and work on rebuilding the level of trust that took Y-E-A-R-S to develop, moments to breakdown. We all make mistakes but fixing them is usually a longer process.

Part of that rebuilding is being honest in all aspects of life, especially those parts that will cause unrest. I'm doing my part for sure even though sometimes it's very, VERY difficult for me to be that vulnerable. Here's where I'm struggling though...is doing the right, honest, good thing ever a win-win? In my experience it never has...there are always too many variables in play and ultimately someone always has feelings hurt, are disappointed, angered, feelings of distrust are raised again and the thing that I thought was right, honest and good suddenly doesn't seem to be. (Although had I done the opposite it still would've been wrong and a lie to boot'!)

In my thirty-some-odd-years of life I'm learning another lesson...having a past meet present can, and maybe always does, become a problem.

*Sigh