We all have them.
A past, a history, all those events in life that helped to form us into the person we currently are. And the more we age the longer our past is. I had hoped that certain parts of my own past would travel with me in life. The memories certainly do and can. I have a few childhood friends who remain in touch if only by getting together to celebrate a child's birthday once a year. Its a time for us to catch up and be awestruck with how quickly all of our little ones are growing.
I wonder about others sometimes....where has life taken them, what are they currently doing etc. I tried for a short time to bring some of those past friendships into my present. But it didn't go so well. I forgot to keep my boundaries intact completely and acted like a "dumb teenager" again. Luckily I had people around me to bring me back to the present me before things got too out of hand. I still hurt someone I love in the process but have been and continue to try to correct the error and work on rebuilding the level of trust that took Y-E-A-R-S to develop, moments to breakdown. We all make mistakes but fixing them is usually a longer process.
Part of that rebuilding is being honest in all aspects of life, especially those parts that will cause unrest. I'm doing my part for sure even though sometimes it's very, VERY difficult for me to be that vulnerable. Here's where I'm struggling though...is doing the right, honest, good thing ever a win-win? In my experience it never has...there are always too many variables in play and ultimately someone always has feelings hurt, are disappointed, angered, feelings of distrust are raised again and the thing that I thought was right, honest and good suddenly doesn't seem to be. (Although had I done the opposite it still would've been wrong and a lie to boot'!)
In my thirty-some-odd-years of life I'm learning another lesson...having a past meet present can, and maybe always does, become a problem.
*Sigh
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