After my last well woman's exam my GYN had me tested once again for PCOS. I figured hey, why not find out once and for all and if it is pcos at least it's treatable and it will explain all of my symptoms for the past 15+ years. I had to wait a month for all of my lab and ultrasound results and I was going crazy waiting. I got the call today and everything is NORMAL.
WTF?
Sure part of me is glad that I don't have to deal with being a guinea pig while starting different meds, getting poked and prodded as they monitor progress, don't have to really change up my diet or lifestyle habits (I try to stay healthy as it is but a pcos diet is more extreme). A huge part of me is relieved; then there is the darker side of me rearing its ugly little head.
Seriously, WTF?
So now what? All of my blood work came back normal...everything from my thyroid to my estrogen including different vitamin levels were tested and out of seven vials of blood work every single thing, all my hormones, everything, is normal. So I'm taking care of myself. The ultrasound also came back normal and this is a slight surprise since the tech said it would be interesting to see how the labs came back because what she was looking at she would say yes I have pcos. This crap drives me crazy.
What do I do now? Why aren't my cycles regular, why is it so difficult for me to conceive? Why am I having such a hard time with the last 15lbs I'm trying to lose. Why do I feel like such a basket case sometimes and why do I get so fatigued in the afternoon for long stretches at a time. Apparently I am a picture of health. I'm so frustrated.
Some days I think my 16 year old self was right when I told my mother that she wired me wrong. At least there I'm blaming my mom and not God. Although I am seriously questioning Him about what feels like a few cruel jokes...in my heart I know He doesn't work like that and I'm just lashing out about one more thing I don't understand. I guess this is just one more moment where I need to give all of this over to Him to do what He wills and think happy thoughts in the meantime.
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