Getting by

Been awhile since I've posted. My mom has been in Washington for only three months now (they left on November 2nd, my 11th anniversary). It's hard but we make due with the hand we've been dealt. My little family has been busy and though I still struggle with all mom may be missing everyday I realize time goes on regardless and we should do the best we can.

Andy is in his final year of formation for the permanent diaconate. Hadrien is finishing up his first year of schooling. Liam and Simon and still home with mommy. And I am getting by.

My brother is struggling, but still alive, still looking for his silver lining everyday, and still taking care of his little girl. I struggle with not being able to help him out more, but I do what I can, when I can, and as I'm brought into his loop of knowing what it is that needs to be done. Even if that means just giving him a ear to vent to and a shoulder to lean on for a short while. I don't envy him but I do admire him and his perseverance very much!

I've taken a step back from my sister's problems...raising two teenage kids on her own she has her own struggles. I'm still here for her; I'm just not actively inserting myself into their bubble anymore unless and when I'm invited in to offer my advice or opinion or to stay quiet and let her get things off her chest whatever the case may be.

I think of all of my other siblings daily although I am not usually privy to the goings on in their lives and maybe it's best that way. I have enough on my plate with my three little ones and husband; but I do think of them and pray for them and keep them very near to my heart everyday.

I knew things were going to be different once my mom was actually gone. Boy was I right! The entire family has a new dynamic and most of the time now I feel like I'm on an island. No one wants to bother me with information or I'm forgotten as an invitee to events. I've had to learn to be disappointed quietly and to not become angry or resentful during certain points in the past few months. This has not been easy for me...I usually can't tame my tongue. I'm learning to be quieter though and I'm not sure if it's such a good thing for me...sometimes it seems the quieter I am the more invisible I become. I'm sure this is just a skewed perspective though and not the true way things are...at least I hope that's the case.

It's the feeling I have sometimes. At least I'm getting by.