Which brings me to today's thoughts. Take a look, a long hard look at the pictures of a single mother (one woman) with her single child...what's wrong with the images?
They have similarities to be sure. One mother each, one child each...each woman is dressed as is each child. And that is where the similarities end.
In the first the mother is "properly dressed" including her hair being done up in such a way that it is out of her face and not in the way. The child too is "properly" dressed and from what we can see there is not a mess to be seen. This first mother is graciously and simply wagging her finger in disapproval of the child's actions...getting into the book shelf. The child in turn is focused on the actions of the mother and although still reaching we get the sense that this disapproval has just been issued and the child has not had the chance to remove his hand from the books. The mothers face is soft and not contorted in a grimace. The child's face is also soft and curious. We don't know if any sound was made in the first portrait of mother and child, we don't know if any sound was needed.
In the second the mother is casually dressed in clothes of "today"...jeans, a shirt and flat shoes, I know the ensemble well. Her hair is down, her finger also wagging in disapproval. Her face is contorted in utter disdain and we cannot see what the offense is or was. The child in turn is also casually dressed, but instead of being attentive to his mother, he has his hands covering his ears and his eyes tightly shut to her as he RUNS AWAY from her call of NO, no, no, NO, No, NO!
What has happened in the past 10, 20, 100 years to the vocation of motherhood and child-rearing? Why hasn't information or a way of life been handed down by our ancestors?
I am asking these questions today because well it's been a day much like the second picture is depicting in my house. I have a three and one year old whom I care for day-in and day-out, they are both boys. They are currently my little explorers and with their presence, more often than not, comes disaster. Toys strewn across 1200 sq ft of living space, stickiness, snot, spilled milk/water/beverages of all kinds, food in places that I'd least imagine, things breaking and my all time favorite the screaming ugliness that comes from their little mouths when they are unhappy with anything, most often each other over a toy. I have uttered that blessed little "No" so many times and ways today that eventually I figured out maybe I missed the definition and maybe I was even speaking a foreign language to my children that they were completely unresponsive to my pleas.
I have heard of child-rearing being a joint effort on the part of many women within the family unit and on days like today I wonder why as a society have we moved away from this community of bringing up children? It's too much for me and my two boys, let alone the single parents and their children, and I have a wonderful husband who helps me after work...a lot of parents are doing it on their own. I don't understand. But I do know that more hands make for light work...and then I'm left to wonder...why in the world didn't our grandparents leave us with some pertinent information before they passed and their grandparents before them...up to the point where the information was handed down. Then the question turns into "WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU LISTEN"...look at the state most parents are in today. We didn't get here by chance, it was a loooooong time coming.
I'm ready for the me generation to exit stage left and for the us generation to step up and figure out where we went wrong for one, to relearn old skills and for all of us to start taking care of each other again. Especially when it comes to raising children. If it's too much for a happily married couple and the stay at home mom in the equation then where is our next generation headed? I'm missing key elements to raising my children and although, everyday, I do the best I am capable of...most of the time I come up short. I'm missing a grandmother's perspective, an aunts, a friends, a neighbors...and I mean a DAILY perspective not just when they have/make time. My boys will, at this point, not be as well rounded as I know they can be with these missing peices in their lives.
All I can say for now is "I'm sorry, ... I don't know what happened or when, but I'm here and I'm trying."
As the former single mother, I totally understand. I think that things change with the times. For example, I am sure that you heard that in the past what doctors did to women for "hystery." There used to be real coke in coke. They thought that banning alcohol would change the social values of the country. Those being the first that come to mind. I think that every generation thinks that they can do better than the past one. But nothing is perfect. Personally, I think the train went off the track when we taught kids that they are special, and everything is about them, that you had to watch out the words that you used with them. I could go on and own. I orginally went to school for early childhood ed.
ReplyDeleteSorry dinner is ready, so we can talk more about this tomorrow. I finally got out of my death bed today!!!