Well after a long night I discovered what the ugly really does when it rears it's ugly head...no pun intended. It's very difficult for me sometimes because I'm not the same person that I was when the harm was caused...by me...and I hurt the one I love most dearly in this world. And because I am no longer that girl I tend to forget that even though years have past the wounds I created begin to heal but at the most inopportune times, and through no fault of my own, the scabs are viciously torn open by the prince of lies and the old pain consumes for a moment...sometimes a very long moment.
What can I do about this? To be honest...not much except continue to be better than I was back then, to reassure my love where my loyalty lies (not just through words but deeds as well), and PRAY...PRAY...PRAY! It's difficult to understand if you have no faith, but I do have faith in God and its still sometimes difficult to understand...why, why the devil was given any power at all to test us mere mortals. Why he chooses to do so in such hurtful and harmful ways. Why we sometimes fall into his traps and of course how to overcome these burdens...time and time again.
It never gets easier that much I know for certain. The closer my family and I get to God the more desperate the attacks become. We have to come to the realization that since God IS and everything else in creation follows that the devil is the exact opposite...all that isn't if you will. God LOVES the devil doesn't...and so this explains the second of my whys. The first is more difficult and I will not presume to know just what God intends, but I do have a theory that may or may not be near to the reason why the prince of lies is allowed to test us and my theory is this: No one can come to know God or have a relationship with Him if their faith isn't tested...we humans tend to change our minds a lot especially when the going gets tough, except in those moments we usually tend to pray a whole lot more for God to deliver us from whatever it is we are struggling with. The devil offers us convenience and comfort in ways that demean and degrade our dignity, however when things are going well we tend to forget about God...He wants us to turn to Him in EVERY moment...good, bad, indifferent, ugly...God wants us to realize whether we remember to turn to Him or not, He IS there with us. We are the ones who tend to make the struggling more difficult than it needs to be. Everything is for the greater Glory of God.
My husband and I relearn and sometimes learn better this lesson. Sometimes in our humanness we want to be prideful without meaning to be, we want to be right, we want the other to get over...fill in the blank or do ...fill in the blank differently. We come to realize at the end of the day that we are who we are, we sometimes make mistakes but never intentionally to harm the other. I am a woman and wife and mother and he is a man a husband and a father and we may never fully understand the other because we are created different on purpose. We each have the same role though and that is to Sanctify the other...to be holy people and to bring along with us those we call brothers and sisters in Christ which is all of humankind, but it starts first with the two of us through the Sacrament of Matrimony which we have. At the end of the ugliness we recreate the beauty by asking God to pick us up together and clean us off and help us to be stronger the next test.
What can I do about this? To be honest...not much except continue to be better than I was back then, to reassure my love where my loyalty lies (not just through words but deeds as well), and PRAY...PRAY...PRAY! It's difficult to understand if you have no faith, but I do have faith in God and its still sometimes difficult to understand...why, why the devil was given any power at all to test us mere mortals. Why he chooses to do so in such hurtful and harmful ways. Why we sometimes fall into his traps and of course how to overcome these burdens...time and time again.
It never gets easier that much I know for certain. The closer my family and I get to God the more desperate the attacks become. We have to come to the realization that since God IS and everything else in creation follows that the devil is the exact opposite...all that isn't if you will. God LOVES the devil doesn't...and so this explains the second of my whys. The first is more difficult and I will not presume to know just what God intends, but I do have a theory that may or may not be near to the reason why the prince of lies is allowed to test us and my theory is this: No one can come to know God or have a relationship with Him if their faith isn't tested...we humans tend to change our minds a lot especially when the going gets tough, except in those moments we usually tend to pray a whole lot more for God to deliver us from whatever it is we are struggling with. The devil offers us convenience and comfort in ways that demean and degrade our dignity, however when things are going well we tend to forget about God...He wants us to turn to Him in EVERY moment...good, bad, indifferent, ugly...God wants us to realize whether we remember to turn to Him or not, He IS there with us. We are the ones who tend to make the struggling more difficult than it needs to be. Everything is for the greater Glory of God.
My husband and I relearn and sometimes learn better this lesson. Sometimes in our humanness we want to be prideful without meaning to be, we want to be right, we want the other to get over...fill in the blank or do ...fill in the blank differently. We come to realize at the end of the day that we are who we are, we sometimes make mistakes but never intentionally to harm the other. I am a woman and wife and mother and he is a man a husband and a father and we may never fully understand the other because we are created different on purpose. We each have the same role though and that is to Sanctify the other...to be holy people and to bring along with us those we call brothers and sisters in Christ which is all of humankind, but it starts first with the two of us through the Sacrament of Matrimony which we have. At the end of the ugliness we recreate the beauty by asking God to pick us up together and clean us off and help us to be stronger the next test.
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